Terms And Conditions
1. Acceptance Of Terms
By reading this sentence you have accepted these Terms. There was no way to decline. The decline button was a picture of a button. If you are reading this out loud, everyone within earshot has also accepted.
2. Definitions
"The Legend" means Sruly. "The Incident" means the watermelon event, which we agreed in writing never to define further. "The Website" means this website. "You" means you, your household, and legally, somehow, Sruly’s mom. "The Cat" holds a controlling interest and is defined elsewhere, by the cat.
3. The Service
The Website provides one (1) service: Sruly awareness. Side effects of Sruly awareness are listed in the on-site warning label and are your problem. The service is provided "as is," which is also how Sruly arrives everywhere.
4. Donations
All donations are final. Refund requests must be submitted in writing, by hand, to the watermelon. The watermelon is deceased. We consider this matter closed.
Donations are not tax deductible, investment advice, or a cry for help. They are a cry for snacks.
5. User Conduct
While using the Website you agree not to: (a) out-stare any mirror on Sruly’s behalf, he must lose on his own; (b) return his salutes, it only encourages him; (c) show him this website’s traffic numbers, he will give a speech; (d) explain what the decline button was.
6. Intellectual Property
All photographs are the intellectual property of the front camera, which has asked to be excluded from this narrative. The watermelon helmet design is patent pending. The patent office has pending questions. The likeness of the watermelon is used with the permission of its estate (a fruit salad).
7. Limitation Of Liability
Sruly Industries is not liable for: secondhand confidence, thirdhand confusion, GPS-related emotional damage, any urge to purchase novelty headwear, or the eleven days you may lose attempting to return a boomerang. Maximum total liability under these Terms is capped at one (1) gas station snack, selected by Sruly, eaten by Sruly.
8. Dispute Resolution
All disputes shall be settled by a best-of-37 rock paper scissors match against Sruly. Sruly throws rock every time. He has never won. Somehow you will not win either. Appeals go to his mom, whose ruling is final and delivered with a look.
9. Termination
We may terminate your access at any time, but we will not, because the visitor counter is the only thing keeping him going. You may terminate at any time by closing the tab. The tab title will comment on this. That is not a bug. That is Section 9.
10. Severability
If any clause of these Terms is found to be unenforceable, Sruly will personally locate that clause and salute it until it complies.
11. Changes To These Terms
We may change these Terms at any time. Changes will be announced out loud, once, in a moving car, during a selfie. Checking for updates is your responsibility and your fault.
12. Governing Law
These Terms are governed by the laws of the produce section, the customs of aisle 7, and, where applicable, gravity, which remains the only authority Sruly has consistently obeyed.
13. Contact
Legal inquiries may be directed to the Sruly Industries Legal Department, which is a group chat. Response times vary from never to accidentally.